I’m oscillating….
Hope. Irritation. Gratitude. Sadness. Contentment. Loneliness. Laughter. Tears. Connection. Exhaustion. Joy. Overwhelm.
What are we, if not creatures of emotion?
What new landscape is this… all alone, all together, in the Great Big Empty.
How many loved ones will we lose?
Will we also lose ourselves along the way?
What and whom are we being asked to become?
I don’t have the answers. I only present the questions. I share in hopes that there is resonance in the collective. I don’t need to be told “don’t be lonely”, or don’t feel those feelings, or this or that, or adviceadviceadvice…..
On the matter of loneliness, I believe that’s a part of what this is all about. BE lonely. Go deep inside the complicated mystery that is you. Feel it. All the darkness. All the light. Feel it, know it, embrace it, sit with it, cry and laugh and yell, and grow with it. This is hard work. This is good work. This is important work.
Many of us are spending more time online in these days of quarantine. I do think it’s a good way to stay connected, so long as we can satisfy our appetites for internets in small healthy doses. I’m a story teller, a content creator - I make images and words - I arrange them in ways that feel right and true - and I share them with you, with love. Sometimes I am sharing purely to inspire, sometimes to spread joy, sometimes to stand up for marginalized communities, sometimes to speak for the water, sometimes, truly, just to connect.
Both my career and my calling ask that I spend a lot of time online. And I imagine that I will continue to stay connected this way, as we wander through this mystery together. In doses, it is indeed therapeutic. But I’ve noticed a thing the last few days, and I’d like to ask a favor. Not just for my own sanity, but perhaps for yours as well. If I ask for advice, or your friend asks for advice, and you have some to share, please do. But if I’m just sharing some joy or inspiration, and not specifically asking for advice, please don’t throw advice at me. It’s just too much right now, and as I’ve noticed a sharp increase in the well-meaning, but totally unsolicited advice, I’ve noticed myself shrinking back. Perhaps you feel this too. Perhaps it is just me.
Tangential rant over. For now.
Have I mentioned that I’m oscillating? Maybe you are too.
Right now, in my living room, are seven baby ducklings. They are spazzy little fuzz-balls, who alternate between sleeping in a duck-pile, and chirping and quacking and splashing and playing. I love them. They bring me great joy. They light me up. They are providing some company out here in the Big Empty, and if I’m honest, they mark the inception of a long-held dream for a humble homestead. I bought a house on March 13th, just a couple of days before the world turned upside down. And right now, on this little plot of land in the Carrizo Plains, while the world spins in ways unfamiliar, it feels like a real good time to begin turning that little homestead dream into reality, especially since all my paid work, for the foreseeable future, has either been cancelled or postponed.
I breath deeply. I practice gratitude.
Many of you know that my mother has been in the hospital. It has been two weeks, and thankfully, she continues to improve. In a non-COVID-emergency that came upon her suddenly, she checked into the hospital with a blood infection, that led to a large abscess in her neck, and an emergency surgery at Stanford to remove the abscess and the affected bone. The road to full recovery will be long, and of course includes added concerns and hurdles that come in this time of Coronavirus. It has been a heavy time for my family, and a lonely time for my mother, who has had to walk this path physically separated from those she holds most dear. We have rallied in all the ways we can, to be there for her, and with her, but this is all new. The distance, the unknowing, the sadness, the hope, the gratitude. You know the value of water when the well runs dry. You know the value of nurses & doctors & surgeons when they save your mother’s life.
All this is to say, I suppose, that I’m with you. We are emotional creatures, and many of the emotions we are about to feel will be either foreign and/or uncomfortable. And that’s okay. Let’s hold space for that. Let’s hold space for ourselves and each other. Let’s cry, and laugh, and sleep, and grow, and connect, and meditate, and cry some more. Let’s be grateful. Let’s go deep, and go high, and go in, and do the hard work, and let’s tip toe when we need to.
And also, let’s yell.
When our “leaders” make choices that prioritize their pocketbooks over the people - our people, you and me and everyone we know and don’t know - let’s yell.
This is a time for change, from the ground up.
This is an opportunity to create a world that actually works for everyone, not just billionaires.
This is a time to ask yourself who you really want to be.
What sort of world do you want to be a part of?
What makes you feel alive?
What are you grateful for?
Big times, my friends. Ups and downs and all arounds. There’s room for all of it. I love you. As always, thank you for listening. Hang in there. Breath deeply. Take your time, and take good care. This is a marathon.
“Don't ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive, and go do that, because what the world needs is people who have come alive.” ― Howard Thurman
I’ve compiled a list of resources for all things COVID-19, and will continue to update it as we move through this mystery. Perhaps you will find something helpful there. Please feel free to share the resource widely. It is my gift to you, and feels like an appropriate way for me to be of service at this time.
You can find the resource page HERE.
With all my Love & Gratitude, Brittany